


Realisations

by bcdgn



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Character Study, Drabbles, Ficlets, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Multi, One Shot, Recovery, Regret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcdgn/pseuds/bcdgn
Summary: A series of little one shots surrounding Bella Swan and the many realisations she could have had if things had been different. Each chapter will focus on a different realisation and none will be related to the other. All canon divergent. Enjoy!
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Bella Swan, Leah Clearwater/Bella Swan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 29





	1. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Moon didn’t happen. Edward didn’t leave so Bella never went to La Push to see Jacob. Bella was turned just after high school and an accident was used to cover her “death”.

It’s too late.

That’s all Bella can think. Well that’s not quite true. Her new vampire mind can keep track of multiple things at once with the kind of clarity one could only dream of. But the one thought runs superior to the rest, like a catchy song lyric on loop; it’s too late.

Everything since awakening as her new self has been too much, too overwhelming, over stimulating but Carlisle assured her that in time she would adjust.

She feels next to nothing though, quickly shutting down all emotion so as not to alert Jasper to the hurricane that is constantly her mind although he always looks over to her with a disturbing curiosity. Thank god Edward still can’t read her thoughts. Bella looks over to her vampire mate. He looks different for lack of a better term than before her transformation. She can’t really explain it herself even with her new undead eyesight. He just looks off somehow. All the Cullens do. Bella even noticed it within herself the couple of times she’s worked up the courage to look in the mirror. Her eyes will slowly fade from a deep crimson to s soft amber and will never be the same chestnut brown as before.

It’s too late.

While her bloodlust has been manageable she has been unable to see Charlie since her new self awoke. The Cullens quickly took care of everything; a horrible accident and a quick funeral was all it took to wipe Bella Swan from the earth. She knows her dad won’t believe she’s gone. His distrust of Edward was never something he hid very well although Bella always tried to ignore it. Charlie won’t stop investigating and she longs to visit him but Alice will know as soon as she decides anything so she tries to not even think of it now.

It’s too late.

_It’s too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing anything so if there’s any mistakes feel free to let me know. I’ve recently revisited Twilight and just had some new thoughts (the differences between 13 year old me and 26 year old me are wild) hopefully I did Bella some justice.


	2. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So in this little fix New Moon happened but Edward never came back and also there’s no wolf pack.

The realisation hits her on a random Saturday sitting with Jake in his garage.

She’s getting better.

Of course she is obviously; the nightmares are few and far between now, it’s no longer a struggle to eat anything, music and books are a comfort again (and not a horrible reminder) and Charlie no longer looks at her with worry when he leaves for work in the morning.

The longer she spends away from her time with the Cullens the more she notes how venomous (ha isn’t that ironic?) her relationship with them was.

It’s only now, nearly a year since Edward left her in the woods, that she finally feels like herself again.

She started hanging out with Jacob. At first it was to fix the bikes and feed into her unhealthy obsession with seeing Edward whenever she did anything considered “risky” but slowly she just started to enjoy Jacobs company and Edward slowly disappeared once and for all. It’s hard not enjoy to Jacobs company; his smile is genuine, contagious and fills the void that was left behind in her chest. At first Bella was scared that she was latching on to Jacobs goodness like she did with Edwards mystery but while Edward confused her and her self image, being with Jacob is like remembering who she was. They disagree but it’s always playful and she’s never left wondering if she’s said the wrong thing or had the wrong opinion. It’s as easy as breathing and everyday she finds new things about Jacob, about herself and about her life in Forks that she loves.

It’s a wonderful feeling.


	3. Relocate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so in this fic New Moon happened, Jacob became a wolf (there’s no imprinting because I think it’s gross) and Bella became friends with all the pack members. Leah and her bonded and became more than friends before moving in together after Bella graduates.

Leah’s smile is Bella’s favourite thing in the whole world, she’s decided. Not just any smile but _her_ smile, the one Leah only lets her see. The one that adorns her face in the small hours of the morning when Leah first wakes up and turns to face Bella; her eyes soft and gentle looking in a way that Leah looks at no one but her.

They’d been friends for months before she saw it for the first time and of course it would be after she’d stubbed her toe on the bottom of the stairs (for like the 17th time since she’d moved back to Forks but who’s counting?). Bella hoped that Leah hadn’t seen her but even if she hadn’t she would’ve heard Bella’s not so silent curse of pain. She’d turned around just in time to see that beautiful grin on Leah’s face followed by the sound of her laugh. She looked at Bella with so much love that it caused her face to flame instantly but at the time Leah mistook her reddened cheeks for embarrassment and so quickly started talking about something dumb Quil had done while on patrol with her that day.

Bella looks to Leah now who’s sitting at the very edge of their beat up leather couch, completely engrossed by the TV. Bella can’t even remember what they’re watching, she’s been mostly glancing over at Leah between reading chapters of her book. Distracted by the heat of Leah’s thigh touching the edges of her feet. Something funny must have happened in the show for Leah abruptly turns her head towards Bella and laughs out loud while doing so.

“Whatcha looking at?” Leah asks when she finds Bella already looking in her direction.

“Just you.” she exclaims and there’s the smile again. Beautiful and beaming filling Bella instantly with warmth and affection. “I just really love you Lee.”

Leah laughed, slightly caught off guard by Bella’s sudden but not unwanted declaration.

“I love you too Swan, now let me get back to my show, you’re distracting me.” she said as she turned back to the TV but Bella could see the slight darkening of Leah’s cheeks. She wasn’t as unaffected by Bella’s declaration as she might want to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you guys have any criticisms for this one shot or suggestions for how I could have wrote it better. It’s the first time I’ve ever wrote dialogue so I’m not sure if it’s that that’s bugging me about it or something else. I almost wasn’t going to post this but there’s not enough wlw fics on this site in my opinion so why deprive y’all of this even if it’s not the best haha.


	4. Ripping Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A alternative take on the birth scene in Breaking Dawn. Part 2 coming soon!

She is surrounded by darkness and all she feels is pain.   
For the first few seconds (or is it minutes?) Bella can’t think. She can only feel.   
Eventually she starts to regain some of her senses. She can hear Edward talking to her; it’s too fast and too frantic to understand but she’d know his voice anywhere.   
She can feel the hard surface beneath her, it feels almost ice cold compared to her body which burns like a open sore so she surmises that it’s coolness is because it’s metal like steel.   
Bella can almost feel herself vomit when she realises the metallic scent filling her nostrils and the filmy taste coating the inside of her mouth is blood. It’s all she can smell and all too quickly she realises it’s because she is sticky with it.   
What is happening??  
The last thing she can so clearly remember is bending down to grab her cup and the pain in her spine from doing so.   
The baby.   
Something is wrong with her son.   
Then it starts.   
The ripping. The shredding of her skin.   
From the inside of her stomach.   
The baby is trying to free himself.   
She opens her mouth to scream but no sound comes out.  
The pain quickly overtakes her entire being, burning through her like a fire burns through a dry forest.  
The only thing Bella can sense outside of the pain is the rapid thudding of her heart.  
The pain lulls for a sweet moment when Bella feels a weight pulled from her centre.   
The baby. Her son is free.   
She wants to cry but realises all is still in the room.   
There’s no sound. No crying from her baby. Not even the sound or feel of her heartbeat.   
She closes her eyes and welcomes back the darkness..


	5. Ripping Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for major character death

Bella Swan was born into the world on the 13th of September, 1987. The nurses would remark later to each other that she was a quiet and calm baby. Different from the others born just before and after her who screamed and bawled at their beginnings.

Isabella Cullen was born on the 11th of September 2006. Her daughter, who ripped her way from her mother’s womb just over 3 days before, would die the same day. Sam Uley would remember the chaos every night for the rest of his years.

***

Her first instinct was to run but there was too many of them. The others. They tried to speak to her. Keeping their tones low and slow. One of them, a man, with red messy hair tried to touch her but the growl that escaped her mouth left no room for any conversation between them. Her throat burned. She needed something but wasn’t sure as to what and the others were angering her with their carefulness. They looked at her with wary, uneasy glances while they talked amongst themselves now. 4 men, including the red head and 3 women. After a beat one of the women approached her, so slowly, so carefully that Isabella could feel herself getting more and more frustrated. Her throat continued to burn. The caramel haired woman opened her mouth to speak but a cry sounded from somewhere below. It was sharp and high. One of the other women tore from the room so fast that Isabella saw only a blonde streak of colour rush out of the now open door. The crying soon stopped and Isabella could one presume the blonde woman had put a stop to it. She could her hear singing softly. A melody Isabella could almost remember but didn’t really care to.

Not once the smell hit her.

It was captivating and all at once it enveloped her entire being. Her throat continued to burn, harsher now with the smell but Isabella instinctively knew that the smell would help soothe her throat somehow.

She ran.

Behind her the others tried to stop her. She could hear their cries and hears them running to catch her.

She was too fast.

She found the blonde woman in a room downstairs. She was holding a baby and the baby smelled delicious.

She pounced.

***

Sam wishes he could forget but the sight of it will always stay with him.

The smell was nauseating; the sickly sweet and sugary mixed with burning wood was always one to turn his stomach but the blood of the...child made it so much worse.

He’d had no choice. He was doing what he was born to do but it hurt none the less. He had liked Bella and felt she was misguided by the leeches. Enamoured by them in a way that only normal humans could be. He wanted to believe that her marriage to Edward would be okay. That she could somehow be happy with that life and he could never have imagined how it would end.

Paul had been patrolling near the leeches when he’d heard the screaming; it was just as loud in the pack mind as if it was happening on the reservation itself.

By the time the rest of the pack had run to the leeches land it was too late. The vamp covered in scars had to kill Bella with the help of the others. The child was already gone. Edward was inconsolable and tried to attack Jacob in his grief so Sam had to kill him too. The whole ordeal had only taken minutes but the aftermath would last years. The official story had been a car accident. A dear ran onto the road and caused Edward to swerve into a tree and the car immediately caught on fire. Sam always shudders when he tries not to think about the two bodies that were found, burnt beyond recognition.

The Cullens moved soon afterwards. They left their house and land to the reservation with the promise that they would never return to Washington. The oldest people on the reservation were pleased and the house was sold and the money used for the res school.

But the pack were never the same. Jacob, in his grief, now only phased back from his wolf form to occasionally check in with his dad and Sam. He kept the rest of the pack out of his mind while he ran, god knows where and for that they were pretty grateful. His thoughts, when Sam had managed to get a listen, were not pretty.

Charlie was a different story. While Jacob drowned in the loss of Bella. Charlie was only enraged by it. He was convinced that something else had happened to Bella. Billy let him search the house before it was sold but nothing turned up from it. Sam often caught him scouring the land around the house while he patrolled, drunk and rambling about the Cullens. He was never the same.

None of them were. The death of Bella and Edward (and their child who only few knew about) would be talked about in Forks for years, after the fact, as a horrible tragedy.

Only Billy and the pack knew what had really happened; Sam would always wish they could forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had planned a much shorter and more vague 2nd part to keep in tone with the 1st part but I had fun experimenting with this one in the end. If you have thoughts of what I could’ve done better or different then please let me know. 
> 
> The next one shot will be much brighter in tone and won’t contain any death and will hopefully be finished soon.   
> Thanks for reading.


	6. Ripping Redux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an alternative ending to Ripping Part 1 and 2.  
> Bella is turned and loses control and kills her daughter. This is her reflecting on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by a comment Itsatinysun left on Ripping Part 2. I hope you enjoy!

She’d like to say she doesn’t remember anything from that day, that there was a missing blank void that had to be filled in by the memories from those around her but.. that would be an obvious lie.  
She can remember every excruciating detail and over the years she’s studied the memory of that day from every possible angle; it’s imprinted onto her mind forever just like James’s bite on her wrist.  
What is she looking for exactly when she revisits that time? Bella doesn’t really know herself but she supposes that she’ll spend forever searching through her mind trying to find it. Something. An answer. A meaning. Anything at all.  
Carlisle has told her over and over that it wasn’t her fault, that no one could have predicted just how strong she’d be as a newborn to fend off not one but seven other vampires. Alice couldn’t see the attack, her sight not reliable with the wolves around. No one could have predicted or prevented it.  
More often than not she wishes she’d died that day. Her daughter is dead and she is the cause. Her “family” treat her differently despite their reassurances that it wasn’t her fault and that there’s nothing to forgive although it’s not like she’ll ever forgive herself anyway. Rosalie and Emmett left to “travel” and only check in with Esme over the phone every couple of weeks. Jasper stays away from Bella as much as possible as her emotions are too much for him to handle and by proxy she doesn’t see his mate Alice’s much. The girl who once treated her like a sister. Carlisle and Esme hang around her like a wounded animal. Carlisle treating her like one of his fragile hospital patients while Esme always wants to talk about “their shared experience” which Bella loathes. Esme didn’t kill her child. It’s not the same.  
And Edward is around constantly.  
He’s always by her side like he’s afraid she’ll go insane with grief without him around. He doesn’t bring up their daughter. He doesn’t talk about anything really. He’s just there. He exists only for her now and Bella resents him for it. Resentment seems to be the only thing beside grief that Bella feels. She blames herself fully for her daughters death but finds herself irritable at the consolation from the others at times. Afraid of that irritation turning into uncontrollable anger she shuts it down and relives in the pain of the past. Reminding herself of what happens when you can’t control yourself.  
This is her life now and Bella wishes she could move on. Be the wife that Edward deserves. The daughter and sister that she always wanted to be. That she craved to be before she turned.  
But that life exists now only in fantasies now and Bella can’t find it in herself to daydream about it. It only hurts more to pretend.  
Even for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My original plan for this was gonna be for Bella to be way more unfeeling vampire than forever grieving but real life events ended up influencing this one quite a bit.   
> I like the idea of a sort of Evil vampire Bella though so maybe I’ll revisit the idea in the future..


End file.
